Sock on the Door (For Peter)

[st_x5_494]

It was sometime in the afternoon when Alec returned to the room. He hadn't been back since he came upon a sock on the door and so he spent the night with someone else. He had to give Peter props for the amount of times the kid was using the sock, but he was slightly surprised every time he'd come in, take one look at Peter, and just know nothing happened. Alec often wondered what the hell was wrong with Peter since it seemed like they were both willing to get busy with one another, but at least he was having sex and at the end of the day, that was wall that mattered.

When he pushed through the door, he called out a 'hey! I'm back." In case Peter cared, which Alec knew he would.

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[st_x5_494]

He rolled his eyes. "Don't make me say it again. But yeah. So don't think you're the only one who's awkward." He wouldn't be repeating what he said though. That information was to die in this room.

"How bad did you fuck up?"

[st_arkintern]

Peter pushes himself up off the bed and sits upright. Peter extends a pinky.

"You need to promise this does not leave this room," he says. He hasn't talked to anyone else about this.

[st_x5_494]

He looked at Peter like 'this is not legally binding' but then sighed and reached forward. "You think I told you what I just did and was expecting you to go telling the rest of the inn?"

[st_arkintern]

"Well, no," Peter says, putting the full extent of his awkwardness on display by simply existing awkwardly on the bed. There was something awkward about the way he said that, something awkward about the way his face looked while he said it, and something awkward about the way his body shifted immediately afterwards.

Peter withdraws his hand. He wonders if Alec finds it offensive he asked him to promise. But this is kind of big. Probably not as big as breaking a condom three times, which was why it was a given that he wouldn't talk about it, even without a promise. This is probably minor in the grand scheme of things, at least to Alec. The sort of thing he wouldn't think twice about mentioning because it was so insignificant.

"I just..."

Peter dampens his lips.

"...keep putting a break on things, and it's sometimes really awkward, like this morning--"

Peter clamps his mouth shut, then he opens it again. It takes a moment before he's finally able to push the words forward, and when he's finally able to pull them loose, they come out quickly:

"I don't know if I'm satisfying her because I can't do things yet."

Mortification overcomes Peter and he suddenly wishes he was talking to Alec from the other side of a bathroom door instead of face-to-face, but then that would just remind him of everything that happened this morning. Sure, they talked afterwards and everything was fine, but that didn't stop the embarrassment from seeping into him slowly like rust corroding vibranium.

[st_x5_494]

Alec listened and could practically feel his awkward and his embarrassment like he was Molly or something. He paused for a moment and then reached out and grabbed the book Peter had been reading. He opened it as if reading, though he definitely wasn't. He was giving Peter less one-on-one attention.

"Why do you think you're not satisfying her? Did she say something?" He paused, flipping a page and casually adding. "Or she sigh or something?" Nothing was worst than the face a woman made when you finished and they were completely unsatisfied and almost said 'that's it'? It had only ever happened to Alec once for him to learn.

[st_arkintern]

"No," Peter says, because she didn't. "She was really enjoying herself last night, I guess--"

If this morning was any indication.

"--and, I don't know, I said we should stop and then we did and then stuff happened--" He can't even begin to be specific about what happened this morning. "--and I just think that even if she wouldn't ever expect it or say it that she's disappointed."

[st_x5_494]

Alec took that in and actually considered it, which meant that he pretended to read a couple of pages. He thought about asking Peter what he wanted to do about it, but decided a different route.

"Alright. So, you know how we guys like, when we get turned on and sometimes if nothing happens it's like, really uncomfortable?" He glanced up from the book to see if Peter understood. He really hoped he wouldn't have to talk about how girls got aroused too, but maybe Peter was that oblivious. Alec hoped not. "It's way better to go take care of it than let it go away, right? But often times it goes away quickly if things are... stimulated."

Had anyone ever told Alec he'd be having this conversation, ever, he'd have laughed so hard he'd have thrown up.

"For girls it takes a lot longer to climb that mountain and get to the top, if you catch my drift. So if they reach the top and aren't pushed over the edge, sometimes the climb down takes a longer time for them than us. Plus the whole -" Alec made a circled gesture to his crotch as an example. "This doesn't go away as easy for them." Since they didn't get a hard on to just go soft.

Was he making sense? Alec didn't think he as good at this.

"Anyways... it's also really hard for girls to take care of that themselves unlike us." He went back to 'reading' the book. "It's this whole process for most of them. They can't just pump a few times and feel better."

[st_arkintern]

Peter understands this. But there's one thing he doesn't understand:

"What should I do, then?" He has no idea.

[st_x5_494]

Alec had sort of hoped Peter would figure that out on his own.

He closed the book and put it on his lap.

"You have basically two options. 1) You do something about it - you, I don't know. Touch her, kiss her lick her, you know her-" Look, Alec was using Peter's vague terminology for him. He could adapt. "- Basically you get her to where she needs to be, if you think she's disappointed and that matters to you. or. 2) you don't do anything because you're not ready and that's fine and your girlfriend deals with it."

He shrugged like it was that easy.

[st_arkintern]

Why isn't there a simple answer that leaves all parties involved satisfied?

Peter falls back onto the bed with a sigh, then looks up at the ceiling.

"We're not always messing around when I leave the sock on the door," Peter says. He doesn't know why he feels the need to tell Alec this, but he does, anyway.

[st_x5_494]

"No. You two probably like to cuddle and talk." Not his thing.

Alec looked over to Peter. "What keeps blocking you from going forward?" Said with genuine curiosity for once.

[st_arkintern]

Peter has to resist the urge to rub the side of his nose; it feels funny.

"I don't know. I'm scared, I guess." He frowns, then runs a hand through his hair.

[st_x5_494]

The fact that Peter found it easier to say he was scared about sex over scared about fighting bad guys was probably indicative of something, but Alec wasn't a therapist.

"It's fine to be scared about that." He shrugged. "Just try not to overthink everything. Sex is pretty basic at is core."

Alec looked at Peter again. "If you're still worried... Think of it this way. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel?"

[st_arkintern]

"You're not scared of sex," Peter points out. He's pretty sure if sex were sentient, it'd be scared of Alec.

Peter leans up a little to look at Alec at his next challenge.

"What, if I wanted to have sex and Liz didn't?"

Peter's brows furrows. He lays down.

"I wouldn't want Liz to do anything she wasn't ready for," he says. "Ever. Not even for me."

[st_x5_494]

"There you go - she probably feels that way too." She seemed pretty similar to Peter in the whole 'meek and over-whelmed' thing, except she had boobs and might be a league or two over Peter, but Alec would never say that.

"You know her better than me though, so -" He shrugged.

[st_arkintern]

Peter leans up and looks over at Alec again, frowning thoughtfully.

"Why are you helping me?"

[st_x5_494]

Alec's expression was, to his credit, less stunned than he felt, but when he spoke, his tone was a little defensive. It almost mimicked Peter's tone with him often. "What's that supposed to mean?"

[st_arkintern]

"I just -- this isn't something you'd normally talk to me about unless you were trying to give me a hard time. And yeah, it started out that way, but..."

Peter lays back down and closes his eyes, embarrassed. Embarrassed felt like his default state of being lately.

"...you're giving good advice."

[st_x5_494]

Alec pouted, mostly because Peter couldn't see it and he very rarely actually physically expressed any of other emotion other than stoic and annoyed. Even with that, though, the expression was gone quickly.

"I'm sorry. I could go back to that if you want. Make you turn red by explaining the 5 key steps in good oral sex." He really would if Peter wanted.

He paused. "But, you know, I thought I'd be helpful or whatever. I remember my first time. Maybe I remember feeling some of the same shit as you."

[st_arkintern]

"No, no, no," Peter says, this time pushing himself upright and into a fully-seated position. "Don't apologize."

A beat.

"And don't tell me those steps to oral sex either," he adds. That might be too much for one day, and Peter was already feeling overwhelmed with sexual knowledge today.

[st_x5_494]

Alec tossed the book at Peter. "You tell anyone I actually talked to you about this stuff and I'll shave your hair off." Better than face-punching, right?

[st_arkintern]

Peter catches the book easily and sets it down on the bed next to him.

"I won't tell anyone, so don't worry," he says. "I just have a hard time seeing you as being insecure or worried about this kinda stuff."

[st_x5_494]

"I'm not anymore." Which was the truth. He was very confident in his abilities now.

Alec paused, then glanced over at him. "When do you think I first did it?" He meant the sex, of course.

[st_arkintern]

"I don't know. Fourteen?" Definitely younger than him.

[st_x5_494]

Alec sent Peter a 'I thought you were smart' look. "Yeah, you're right. I was fourteen in a secretly military facility being trained in espionage and assassination and somehow found time to bunk with one of the other X5s in my unit." He deadpanned.