"I'm happy," Peter says, though he doesn't sound happy. Not because he isn't, but because it's hard to sound happy when your nose is drippy and your eyes are red, and your throat has that weird clogged feeling it gets whenever you end up crying.
Maybe it's not a lot to some people, but to Peter it's a start. It's better than what it was the first time they met what feels like an eternity ago now. Maybe being roommates helped with that a little. On some level, Peter thought that maybe Alec needed him as much as he needed Alec.
At least he hoped so.
Peter sniffs, then wipes at his nose with the back of his hand. He looks down at the carpet again. "I sometimes, you know," Peter says, because it's hard, somehow to admit it, even though it shouldn't be. "I sometimes get scared, but I just -- I just end up doing it anyway."
Peter doesn't think that Alec will get it. He insisted the other day that being afraid was what would keep him alive, but on some level, he knew that it wasn't enough. There probably wasn't anything that would get him to stop. Eddie had threatened to kill him and everyone he loved, but even that real and legitimate threat to May and Ned couldn't stop him. And it didn't stop him from saving Eddie afterward, either.
He's pretty sure if he told Alec that, he wouldn't understand that either.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-05-19 11:18 pm (UTC)Maybe it's not a lot to some people, but to Peter it's a start. It's better than what it was the first time they met what feels like an eternity ago now. Maybe being roommates helped with that a little. On some level, Peter thought that maybe Alec needed him as much as he needed Alec.
At least he hoped so.
Peter sniffs, then wipes at his nose with the back of his hand. He looks down at the carpet again. "I sometimes, you know," Peter says, because it's hard, somehow to admit it, even though it shouldn't be. "I sometimes get scared, but I just -- I just end up doing it anyway."
Peter doesn't think that Alec will get it. He insisted the other day that being afraid was what would keep him alive, but on some level, he knew that it wasn't enough. There probably wasn't anything that would get him to stop. Eddie had threatened to kill him and everyone he loved, but even that real and legitimate threat to May and Ned couldn't stop him. And it didn't stop him from saving Eddie afterward, either.
He's pretty sure if he told Alec that, he wouldn't understand that either.